Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been spiraling back to a place where I end up destroying myself by prioritizing other people far beyond what I can reasonably handle. Lately, I’ve been thinking about detaching myself from everyone and everything I’ve ever known, just so I can finally take care of myself, and only myself.
I know that sounds selfish, but I’ve been stuck in a mindset where it feels like no one really pays attention to, or cares about, whatever the hell is happening to me. At the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to take care of myself, and I believe the same is true for everyone else.
I’ve even been thinking about selling most of my belongings, my computer, my gadgets, and everything else, keeping only the bare essentials that could fit into a suitcase or a backpack. The economy is insane right now, and electronics are more expensive than they’ve ever been. Selling them would probably be one of the dumbest financial decisions I could make, especially since I’m fortunate enough to own them. But it feels like everything that has anything to do with me simply being myself ends up hurting the people around me.
I need to stop caring so much. I need to be myself, on my own terms, at my own pace.
I’ve been thinking about walking away from the people around me and starting over somewhere as just another person. Maybe I’ll make it. Maybe I’ll end up completely alone. Either way, I think I need to find out for myself.
So, if you’ve been trying to reach me and couldn’t, don’t worry, I’m fine. I don’t hate you, and I don’t resent you. I genuinely wish you nothing but the best.
And to the few people I’m fortunate enough to still want in my life, however that may look in the future, I’m sorry for whatever burden I might become. I hope you understand that this isn’t about pushing you away. It’s about trying to find a version of myself that I’ve neglected for far too long.
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